


d'ou vient ce sentiment mysterieux?

by ouijadarling



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alternate Universe - Beach, Alternate Universe - No Miraculous, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Slow Burn, adrienette - Freeform, its the interpersonal relationships that are so irrevocably damaged for me, writing this fic is going to give me clinical depression even though i already have it hahahahahah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:22:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29767869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouijadarling/pseuds/ouijadarling
Summary: adrien agreste hasn't seen his mother in years. now, he doesn't know what to do. nothing's right with her, with his father, with his ex.can the mysterious girl working at the beachside bakery help him decode this confusing mess that he calls his emotions?look, some relationships you just can't fix, no matter how hard you try. but even if you're destined for tragedy, is it worth it to feel true happiness along the way?
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Kudos: 4





	d'ou vient ce sentiment mysterieux?

**Author's Note:**

> literally whatever

“Seriously? You’re ditching me? Kagami bailed out and now you too? Mom is going to be so disappointed.” Adrien Agreste sat on top of his suitcase with a thud. His stepsister Chloe, on the bunk bed hanging from the top, shrugged. 

“I’m not  _ ditching  _ you. I’m just changing the plans. Besides, it would’ve been awkward enough if Kagami and I went.”

“And that’s another thing! She could’ve waited until  _ after  _ we took a month’s trip to the beach to break up with me! And now you’re going with her to New York? Way to support me,” Adrien snapped. 

“Well, it’s better than going on vacation and then dumping you immediately after. And really,” Chloe said, “she didn’t actually dump you if she never liked you in the first place.” She laid back on her bed, flipping her blonde ponytail and smoothing out a loose strand of hair.

Ouch. That brought back unwelcome memories of Kagami. Adrien wondered that he hadn’t figured it out sooner, but the pain of it was still fresh. Kagami had told him,  _ Listen, we’re good friends, but I have to tell you, I’m not attracted to you. Or anyone. At all. It was hard enough figuring it out, so I’m sorry if I led you on.  _ And Adrien had said something stupid like:  _ No, it was fine. I’m totally fine. Really.  _ Even though it had been a flat-out lie and he’d gone home to sulk and watch Beauty and the Beast while finishing all the blackberry swirl ice cream. And ignore his father’s personal assistant yelling at him to stick to his diet. And also wallow in memories, both welcome and not. Because, despite what his friends told him, someone who’d just been dumped was  _ allowed _ to wallow.

Chloé cut in, breaking off the flow of his internal monologue. “Also, now I can’t support a friend?” 

“A friend  _ who just broke up with me, Chloé!”  _

“Yeah…” Chloé trailed off. “Hey, maybe you’ll meet a cute girl at the beach.”

“I’m not rebounding that fast. I need time.”

“Whatever.” Chloé ignored his suggestion. “If no one notices you, just fling yourself at the nearest girl and then rip off her shirt. That’ll get her attention for sure!” She cackled and pulled out an emery board, buffing her nails to a gloss.

Adrien groaned. “Spare me. Please.” 

Chloe softened. “Look, Adrien, I’m not trying to be mean. I just...Kagami needs support as much as you do. She just lost her mom, and figuring out your sexuality is never easy. She didn’t mean to hurt you, but right now, she needs me more than you do. Besides, Mom will be there for you. It’s been, what, three years now?”

“I know, Chlo. It still hurts, that’s all.” Adrien ignored the second half of her speech. He didn’t even want to touch on the subject of his mother. Not until the plain truth was staring him bloodily in the face.

“Maybe this trip will give you some clarity. A chance to be alone. Solitude never hurt anyone. Besides, a summer to start afresh will be good for you.”

Adrien reviewed her words for the thousandth time as he lugged his huge suitcase out to the rental car his father had gotten for him the day before. It was one of those smallish cars, like a Toyota Corolla or something, with a tiny backseat and an even tinier trunk. Chloe was long gone, having driven to the airport in the small hours of the morning, the trunk of her car loaded with bags and boxes. 

His father stood behind him, hands folded placidly behind his back, his beige suit perfectly ironed out, his hair slicked back to a shiny gleam. Awkwardly, he cleared his throat. “Do you have everything you need, son?”

Adrien nodded, sliding the suitcase into the backseat and shutting the door. “Yes, thank you, Father.” 

His father knitted his fingers together, a crease appearing on his brow. “You don’t…”

He didn’t finish his sentence.  _ You don’t what? Don’t have to leave? Don’t have to see your mother? You don’t have to feel obligated to be the perfect son? To dedicate yourself, every single day, to the Gabriel brand?  _

Behind the pair, the Agreste mansion loomed high and forlorn. White and imposing, it had never even felt like home. The front door creaked open, and Adrien noted a flicker of quick movement beyond--that would be Nathalie, checking to see whether they were on schedule to depart. He raised one hand in a wave. As usual, he was given no response: the door slid shut just as quickly as it had opened.  _ Bye, Nathalie.  _ His father checked his watch and straightened his already straight tie. “Well, I suppose I should…” He cut himself off again. 

“Goodbye, Father,” Adrien said. Stiff. Formal. Proper. He gave his father an awkward handshake and slid into the front seat of the car. 

With a groan and a growl, the engine juddered to life, and he backed out of the long driveway and peeled out, leaving his father standing upright. Like a cardboard cutout of a man, pasted in front of his cardboard house, the house that had never felt like home. 

He blinked away a tear collecting in the corner of his eye.

The radio clicked on, and he hummed along to some inane pop song, and soon enough the sound and the sensation of the highway swept all his fears away, and then there wasn’t anything except the music coming from the speakers and the rushing of the wind outside. Tires on cement and tires on gravel and tires on stone to the background of murmuring chatter from the radio. Adrien breathed out, allowing himself to hope that this summer would mean something different. That it wouldn’t be so, well,

empty.

Hours later, as the sky was darkening to russet, the silver car pulled into the pebbly parking lot of the address scribbled on the slip of paper that Adrien clutched like a lifeline in his hand.

He was still stuck on the recording loop of w _ hat-ifs.  _

_ What if I...what if she…what if we… _

He shook it away. It couldn’t be helped now. By this time Kagami was probably in New York with Chloé, unpacking in their hotel room.

Crunching across pebbles to the front door, he ran experimental fingers over the sign protruding from the ground next to the walkway to the front door. Splintery wood and chipping paint set in swirls reading  _ Cyclone Cove. _

A strange sense of apprehension overtook him as he halted on the front porch, one hand raised to knock. 

It had been too long since she’d left, and every second between them had created an even larger rift. He took a deep breath and rapped twice on the door. A second later, and it had swung open, and she was  _ there. _

The ravages of time and the indignity of memory had not harmed her. There she was. Blond hair in a twist down one shoulder, green eyes luminous and smiling. There were small differences, of course. She looked thinner, paler. Her knuckles stood out, white atop her palms in fists; she didn’t seem to know what to do with her hands. 

But her eyes were fixed on him, and she was  _ smiling. _

“Emilie?” he blurted. It felt wrong, after so many years, to slip back into that old pattern and call her Mom again. To do so, he thought, would feel indelicate.

Her smile fell.

“Adrien,” she murmured, almost tenderly. One hand moved almost on its own and came up to cup his cheek. With a shock he noticed her nails, ragged and bitten to the quick. Her thumb stroked his cheek softly. He wanted so badly to lean in, but then her hand fell to his shoulder and tugged him inside.

The small beach house had white furniture and sunny blue walls crammed with paintings. The front room was small, a bench with an underneath rack for shoes and a small table with a bowl on it, filled with keys and change. He dropped the rental car keys in the bowl, feeling stranger and stranger. 

Pulling his suitcase behind him, he passed through a small kitchen with a granite island, a living room with a sofa and a television, and three enormous bookshelves stuffed to bursting with books. 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” his mother said. She leant, almost awkwardly, against the kitchen. Adrien was struck again by how unsure she seemed. His father had been like a cardboard cutout, but his mother was like a porcelain doll with all its joints out of whack. It wasn’t just her hands; she didn’t seem to know what to do with any of herself.

“I--” He coughed and began again. “I’m glad to be here too. I missed you.”

She flinched. “Adrien, I…”

Her eyes were darting like a trapped animal. She looked small, suddenly. “How’s your...sister?”

She had meant to say father and changed it at the last second, Adrien thought bitterly, then checked himself. He was no one to judge. “Chloe’s good. Great, actually. She’s in New York with...a friend.”

“That’s wonderful,” Emilie said sincerely. “She was always such a kind little girl and a good friend to you, Adrien.” 

_ Before my father married her mother, you mean. Before you abandoned me. _

“I’m going to go unpack,” Adrien said, feeling sick. He hadn’t been there ten minutes and he was already being a jerk, never mind that it was all in his head. His mother nodded, rather mechanically, and he turned away. It hurt to see her smiling and nodding like a robot with no controller.

He took the carpeted stairs, lugging the suitcase, and put them on the bed of the first of the three identical bedrooms with a twin bed in each. Nothing else occupied the room but for a nightstand, an armoire and dresser for clothes, and a large window with shutters and a small window seat alcove. He pried open the shutters, and the twilight streamed into the room, bathing it in a lavender glow.

Far below, the sea pulled itself together and sailed into, salt dashing onto sand in tantalizing waves of blue-green-gray. As the sun sank behind the horizon, the color leached from the sea. Far and away down the sky and beach, Adrien could see the moon rising weakly behind a few straggling clouds. 

The sea looked calm tonight, but not the good kind of calm. Something seemed to be stirring, in the wind and the sky and the sea, something lurking just below the peace of the horizon. 

It was enthralling, and unnatural, and entrancing, and a thousand other words, words, words. 

Words that would never be enough for the odd feeling in his chest. A tight knot just below his breastbone; every second he spent here it unraveled a little more. Homesickness at this place that wasn’t home. 

The longing for the moments that you’ve already forgotten.

Banging down the stairs on his way down, he set eyes on Emilie, curled on the couch reading a novel. “I was thinking pizza for dinner,” she said, giving him a bright smile. “You used to love plain cheese pizza when you were little.” Her voice was more comfortable now. 

“Sure,” Adrien replied, forcing a grin in response. Never mind that he hated plain cheese pizza. “I’m going to check out the beach.” She didn’t reply, engrossed again in her novel. He unlocked the front door and went out, wondering what strange fate the sea would meet him with. 

Adrien opened the door of the unit and went out barefoot, the boards of the short bridge leading to the beach warm against his feet. The salt air blew in with the night breeze, cool and sweet. Adrien breathed in and wondered if maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. The beach was cool, the sand slightly warm as his feet sank in. There were no lights on anywhere, and it was almost completely dark save for the full moon which illuminated the water in a pale glow. Adrien sat on the shoreline, the waves coming up to splash his feet with thin sprays of water. The moonlight threw a shadow behind him into relief, and the soft sounds of shifting sand alerted Adrien to someone else’s presence. 

“Who are you?” they asked, and Adrien turned around. A girl with dark strands of hair falling in front of her eyes and a thick gray-and-pink hoodie that seemed oddly out of place on the beach. 

“Adrien Agreste,” Adrien said. “I’m in that house right there.” He indicated with his finger where he’d just come from, where Emilie was inside, maybe right now ordering pizza. 

“I’m Marin. Nice to meet you.”

“Sure.” Adrien wasn’t sure why he was being so closed-off. Something about the girl didn’t sit right with him. She had deep eyes, deep and sad. He didn’t want to look into them. Lingering unease poked at the edges of his conscience, and his lips tipped down. 

“You look familiar,” Marin mused. “Maybe I’ve seen you somewhere before?” 

“No. No, you definitely haven’t,” Adrien said, giving out a small, nervous laugh.  _ Please don’t recognize me or ask for my autograph. _ “I’m Adrien Ag... Adrien Graham de Vanily.” Panic had spurred him to use his mother’s last name instead.

“You’re Emilie’s son?” Real curiosity laced her voice.

Adrien nodded. “Look, I should go back in. You probably don’t want me intruding on your privacy.”

“It’s fine,” Marin said. She turned away, muttering something he didn’t quite catch. Something about forgetting.

“Have a good evening.” He backed away and broke into a run, kicking up sand behind his heels as he dashed for the boardwalk, ignoring the sharp shards of shell stabbing into his bare feet.

_ Hurry up, Adrien! _ Before anything else happened that he didn’t want to think about.  _ You came here to get away, Adrien. Get away from all the lingering memories. Not to meet unsettling people who made you second-guess yourself. _

Adrien banged back into the unit, slamming and locking the door to his mother’s surprise. He waved it away with a nervous laugh, and they settled down, avoiding conversation. After the pizza had been consumed and the box recycled, Adrien took the stairs two at a time up to his room. Emilie sat back on the sofa and turned on the TV, and the sounds of a black-and-white film floated up to Adrien through the floor.

**Adrien:** _How’s Kagami?_

**Chloé:** _perfectly fine without you._

**Chloé:** _Get a life. Or a new girlfriend_

**Adrien:** _there’s actually a girl next door in the other beach house??_

**Chloé:** _fresh blood get her ass_

**Adrien:** _she probably hates me by now, so don’t get too excited. besides it’s not happening_

**Chloé:** _don’t forget to rip off her shirt_

**Adrien:** _As if_


End file.
